Hey everyone,

Just wanted to check in and say I’m just taking a couple of days off as there’s a lot of stuff happening in my personal life I have to attend to but hopefully I’ll be back soon!

Picking At Old Wounds

2021 seems to be a delayed 2020 for me. While 2020 was crippling for many, many people worldwide, it was a little bit easy for me personally. As someone with mental and physical issues, the less people could be outside, the less I felt the pressure to be too. I was already accustomed to a life inside and was happy that it was more of an indoor world where I didn’t have to be social. As I’ve said before, my state in Australia was very quick and held to having borders closed and quick contact tracing when it came to COVID numbers, which helped us bounce back incredibly fast, so much so that we’re kind of back to something like 98-99% pre-COVID ‘normality’ here.
I’ve also had no financial or other issues that I’ve had, I have no children or my own family to worry about.

Another big difference is I wasn’t personally affected by COVID, a few family close-calls, but that’s all. This is the thing I’ve been most thankful for in the past year; too many other people have been personally affected and sadly, it is still a traumatic, everyday struggle with a long road ahead.

2021 though… hooo, this bastard.

We’re Getting There, Lads!

[This post was written after my initial appointments with a gynecologist in February and a follow up at the start of May]

The most amazing thing happened the other day.

I got a diagnosis!

Not of the autism kind, but one about my periods and what’s most likely the cause of my random weight gain since 2014.

It appeared I have PCOS and endometriosis – which as of May – the PCOS component has been confirmed after more blood tests. To put it way too simply, this is a Demon Lilith’s Devil-Duo, however it needs more explanation than a really fun name I just made up.

Why Tina is my Icon

Get it? Because she’s my .. profile.. icon – nevermind!

I’ve finally been able to binge-watch Bob’s Burgers now that it’s available through Disney+. Bob’s Burgers is what I classify as my ‘wind down’ viewing; I put it on about an hour before I go to bed to wind down, which helps after a stressful day or stressful movie viewing. To be honest I don’t need an excuse to watch it.

Of course, my girl Tina is as relatable as ever, and last night I remembered that I said on here I would someday explain why I have her as my icon, so why not do it now?
Even though in the first episode Tina’s sister, Louise, did mention Tina maybe-maybe-not having autism, and while show creator, Loren Bouchard hasn’t confirmed if she’s autistic or not, that’s okay with me as, through her unique special interests and battle with social norms, I relate to her more than almost any other character I’ve seen in media.

Happy Autism Acceptance Month!

I know it’s been a while but I wanted to check in (before I forgot again) to say happy April all! I’ve had a few posts lined up that I haven’t finished but I’m going through an up-and-down fatigue wave right now and haven’t been awake enough to make anything substantial – or of sense!

Anyway I hope this month brings forward some more in-depth talk when it comes to autistics people and we are able to bring new knowledge, understanding and acceptance on a global scale.

I Am Not A Cook

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Cooking sucks.

Oh god do I hate cooking. Do you hate cooking?

Don’t get me wrong, I really really love eating, but the thought of prepping and getting a meal ready fills me with so much frustration.

Yes I also mean “30 minute meals”. They don’t take me ’30 minutes’ no matter how hard I try. There’s nothing easy, simple and rewarding about it. The multitasking, the waste if things aren’t cooked correctly.. cook it too little and you could get sick, cook it too much and you’ve lost the nutritional component, the multitasking, the multitasking…

So on the weekend I decided to bite the bullet and order Lite N’ Easy for a week, where for $162 I’d get 7 lunches and 7 dinners with small snacks. I’ve been wanting to do Lite N’ Easy for a long time but it’s so expensive for me, hooowever everything is ready to eat with a bit of heating included. With my dad now living with me and unable to move around a lot, having my own health issues as well as my pure disdain for cooking, I’m going to (hopefully!) try it for a few weeks and see how I feel. It is very expensive at almost double what I usually spend on groceries, but in the end I’m hoping that since it’s my sole food requirement besides getting eggs or a protein shake for breakfast, I shouldn’t be out of pocket too much. On that note we can only see..

[I’m going to talk about Lite N’ Easy a little bit and starting it, so if you’re interested, continue below!]

Day 1 Lunch and snacks

Day 1:
I didn’t expect just how much I was going to think about food, it was actually quite obsessive. At first it was just excitement to start and anticipating trying my first meal, but as the day went on I kept thinking about food in general and if I’d have enough to space out so I wasn’t going to bed starving, thus getting a headache and being up most of the night. I did feel hungry as I went to bed and can only surmise that was because of not only eating less calories but also thinking about the food too. Thankfully though, I had no headache and just took a few sips of water and did my best to ignore the topic of food.

Day 2:
Again, did my usual shake in the late morning and was okay until I was trying to get ready for the day around midday. I wasn’t hungry yet but I found myself thinking about food again; when I should eat, if I have enough. I realised that an hour of this felt very long. So I guzzled some more cold water and decided to rearrange my study. Yeah, I rearranged my room to distract myself, but it worked! By the time I sat down to eat it was about 1:30, I wasn’t starving but I thought it was a good time to get my lunch down and slowly snack.
Around 4:30 I was getting a slight headache above my eye and was more distracted than usual so I had a hot snack bowl of chicken and cashew, but I was feeling that 4-5pm fatigue. I decided to lay on the couch and play a bit of Animal Crossing for an hour before feeling a bit more awake but by 6:30 I decided to have dinner and now at the time of writing this, it’s 8:15, I am starving. That starving where you feel a headache coming on and feel a bit sick in your gut.
I don’t know what I’m going to do but it looks like I’m eating a carrot and seeing how that goes – good week to start before a period, right?

2021 Appointment #1

I can’t believe it’s been over a month since my last post, but January was a busy one!

Now that February has started, it brings one of my favourite things to do: go to a medical professional and try to summarise my health history into a few sentences and hope they believe me so I can get on a path to being healthy again.

In about an hour I’m going to a gynaecologist to see why I’ve been having some major period symptoms and to (hopefully) see if it’s part of a bigger picture, like PCOS or something more endocrine, maybe both, maybe neither!
As of today I’m late for my period (I’ve been mostly late so no surprise), on day 41. At this point I’m not worried because I’m so used to it, however I’m nervous for the pain when it eventually comes.

For now though I have to leave it there and get ready to leave. Fingers and toes are crossed!

Christmas, huh…

For a lot of people, Christmas time is family. Whether you’re really close or all meet up for this specific event, you all actually stand each other and huddle around and watch each other open thoughtful presents, or you’re family communicates in underhand remarks about what each other is or isn’t doing (“So when are you going to college?”), everyone has their own experience of Christmastime.

For me, I don’t like it. In fact, I hate Christmas.

You can think of me as a Scrooge McDuck, that’s fine. “Surely as a kid you were excited for Christmas?”. True, I think the last and most vivid memory I have of actually being excited I was 11 or 12. I was aching to know what I got for Christmas. We had a tradition in our house that after we went to Christmas Mass (which was on Xmas Eve), we got to open one present. Even after opening just one I wanted to know what were in the others. I barely slept. Waking up that morning, my sister and I eagerly wait for the parents to slowly wake up, get a coffee in them, get their bearings then move to the lounge room to start the mess of wrapping paper. All that time we waited with as much restraint as dogs obediently sitting and waiting for the go signal to swallow a treat whole.

The more complex explanation would be that my disdain for Christmas is layered.

What To Do with Veggies You Hate

Hey everyone, hope you’re well! New post for you and it’s in collaboration with She Does Stuff!

Like a lot of you, we’re not big on vegetables. There’s some that are top tier, always the best no matter what you do, and then it kind of just trickles down from there.

So when my mum gave me a box of free vegetables, I placed them all out and stared at the disappointment, knowing these little parcels are good for the body but by god they sucked. Throwing them out is never an option.
Minds had to come together once more and think about how to utilise these unappealing veg in the best way possible, for the picky eaters, food and texture sensitive and begrudging people of the world.

Also, you sites out there with the titles “Vegetables You Think You Hate”, no, I know I hate these stupid vegetables, don’t think you’re making me join your vegetable cult.

World Mental Health Day

You know what? I almost forgot it was World Mental Health Day today, so to all my fellow sufferers, yay for us and when people all ask questions and are sympathetic for one whole day. Cynicism aside, if you don’t suffer from a mental illness but are looking at different things to read up on and use what you learn, good on you.

Remembering it was WMHD instantly reminded me that a long time ago – ten years ago to be exact – I had written something for the occasion. Now, I can’t really remember what spurred me to write this stream-of-conscious piece, I think I was having a mental health ‘moment’ around this time and there were people in my life exacerbating it who also didn’t take it seriously.

Anyway I thought I’d post it below for you. To me it’s cringey (I always think that about everything I write) but it’s interesting to see for myself as well as the outside world, what has changed and what hasn’t. Oh, little, tired, young Lucy…