I think it comes naturally to every single human how we are similar and different from the people around us. Do we like people that are like us or do we seek just enough difference in other people to make things challenging? In a way it ties into that nature vs nurture debate, but we don’t have the time and energy for that whole spiel.
When we talk about anything to do with the mind, there is more curiosity put on whether we’ve inherited certain genes and/or were they fostered, and of course when it comes to neurodivergent people – especially autistic people – sometimes misinformation about other causes comes into play (talking to you, anti-vaxxers).
Anyway because I’ve always been interested in sociology and psychology, and literally anything having to do with What Humans Do, I made my family take IDR Labs 50-Question Autism Spectrum Test*. I don’t think any of us actually enjoyed trying to answer 50 questions, but like the one above, this one does give an interesting and straight-forward look at areas neurotypical and divergent people could be similar or different.
*Yes I am very aware this online test doesn’t hold much weight but it’s for entertainment and curiosity purposes
Hope you’re all doing well. Typing to you in the darkness from a blackout, aren’t storms just really great! Complete sarcasm right there. Couldn’t think of anything more anxiety-inducing than loud thunder.
I’ve been trying to get some posts in order in my free time; I’ve been waiting on a reply before posting something in particular which I think will be interesting. I also entered the SBS Emerging Writers comp about Autistic “Imposter Syndrome” so even if I’m not a finalist I’ll post it here or on The Mighty, not sure yet but I will definitely be posting it for everyone to read.
I hope to be posting something up within the next week at most so thanks for your patience and look after yourselves out there!
Most of this piece was originally written back in July so there is some time jumping and a lot of disjointed thoughts (not including the usual difficulty of expressing what I’m actually trying to say, but hopefully still easy to read!
Lately I’ve been stuck in something other’s might perceive is boredom. Languishing over the same 4 websites with a list of ‘boredom busters’ sitting next to me, my glazed-over eyes looking over at the 3:07pm glowing in the corner of my screen.
My brain almost had the thought ‘I’m so bored’, and to anyone outside this body, I might look bored (being a Millennial makes me practically ooze it from my pores, according to order generations).
It was a big July and I’m still trying to get my routine back; something that I’m feeling unfocused and untethered without.
My dad did have his surgery and my sister was able to make it up just afterwards before the borders were closed here due to COVID. However not long after we had to take him to hospital due to severe complications but is now back home with me. The downside of this is he has to take it even easier in his recovery and is still heavily dependent on me, which at the best of times doesn’t leave me much time to sit and focus on any of my own personal stuff.
Aside from this and the whole family debacle that has been plaguing me this year I’m hoping to write something of substance in the next coming days and start to have some form of normalcy!
2021 seems to be a delayed 2020 for me. While 2020 was crippling for many, many people worldwide, it was a little bit easy for me personally. As someone with mental and physical issues, the less people could be outside, the less I felt the pressure to be too. I was already accustomed to a life inside and was happy that it was more of an indoor world where I didn’t have to be social. As I’ve said before, my state in Australia was very quick and held to having borders closed and quick contact tracing when it came to COVID numbers, which helped us bounce back incredibly fast, so much so that we’re kind of back to something like 98-99% pre-COVID ‘normality’ here. I’ve also had no financial or other issues that I’ve had, I have no children or my own family to worry about.
Another big difference is I wasn’t personally affected by COVID, a few family close-calls, but that’s all. This is the thing I’ve been most thankful for in the past year; too many other people have been personally affected and sadly, it is still a traumatic, everyday struggle with a long road ahead.
[This post was written after my initial appointments with a gynecologist in February and a follow up at the start of May]
The most amazing thing happened the other day.
I got a diagnosis!
Not of the autism kind, but one about my periods and what’s most likely the cause of my random weight gain since 2014.
It appeared I have PCOS and endometriosis – which as of May – the PCOS component has been confirmed after more blood tests. To put it way too simply, this is a Demon Lilith’s Devil-Duo, however it needs more explanation than a really fun name I just made up.
Get it? Because she’s my .. profile.. icon – nevermind!
I’ve finally been able to binge-watch Bob’s Burgers now that it’s available through Disney+. Bob’s Burgers is what I classify as my ‘wind down’ viewing; I put it on about an hour before I go to bed to wind down, which helps after a stressful day or stressful movie viewing. To be honest I don’t need an excuse to watch it.
Of course, my girl Tina is as relatable as ever, and last night I remembered that I said on here I would someday explain why I have her as my icon, so why not do it now? Even though in the first episode Tina’s sister, Louise, did mention Tina maybe-maybe-not having autism, and while show creator, Loren Bouchard hasn’t confirmed if she’s autistic or not, that’s okay with me as, through her unique special interests and battle with social norms, I relate to her more than almost any other character I’ve seen in media.
I know it’s been a while but I wanted to check in (before I forgot again) to say happy April all! I’ve had a few posts lined up that I haven’t finished but I’m going through an up-and-down fatigue wave right now and haven’t been awake enough to make anything substantial – or of sense!
Anyway I hope this month brings forward some more in-depth talk when it comes to autistics people and we are able to bring new knowledge, understanding and acceptance on a global scale.
Don’t get me wrong, I really really love eating, but the thought of prepping and getting a meal ready fills me with so much frustration.
Yes I also mean “30 minute meals”. They don’t take me ’30 minutes’ no matter how hard I try. There’s nothing easy, simple and rewarding about it. The multitasking, the waste if things aren’t cooked correctly.. cook it too little and you could get sick, cook it too much and you’ve lost the nutritional component, the multitasking, the multitasking…
So on the weekend I decided to bite the bullet and order Lite N’ Easy for a week, where for $162 I’d get 7 lunches and 7 dinners with small snacks. I’ve been wanting to do Lite N’ Easy for a long time but it’s so expensive for me, hooowever everything is ready to eat with a bit of heating included. With my dad now living with me and unable to move around a lot, having my own health issues as well as my pure disdain for cooking, I’m going to (hopefully!) try it for a few weeks and see how I feel. It is very expensive at almost double what I usually spend on groceries, but in the end I’m hoping that since it’s my sole food requirement besides getting eggs or a protein shake for breakfast, I shouldn’t be out of pocket too much. On that note we can only see..
[I’m going to talk about Lite N’ Easy a little bit and starting it, so if you’re interested, continue below!]
Day 1: I didn’t expect just how much I was going to think about food, it was actually quite obsessive. At first it was just excitement to start and anticipating trying my first meal, but as the day went on I kept thinking about food in general and if I’d have enough to space out so I wasn’t going to bed starving, thus getting a headache and being up most of the night. I did feel hungry as I went to bed and can only surmise that was because of not only eating less calories but also thinking about the food too. Thankfully though, I had no headache and just took a few sips of water and did my best to ignore the topic of food.
Day 2: Again, did my usual shake in the late morning and was okay until I was trying to get ready for the day around midday. I wasn’t hungry yet but I found myself thinking about food again; when I should eat, if I have enough. I realised that an hour of this felt very long. So I guzzled some more cold water and decided to rearrange my study. Yeah, I rearranged my room to distract myself, but it worked! By the time I sat down to eat it was about 1:30, I wasn’t starving but I thought it was a good time to get my lunch down and slowly snack. Around 4:30 I was getting a slight headache above my eye and was more distracted than usual so I had a hot snack bowl of chicken and cashew, but I was feeling that 4-5pm fatigue. I decided to lay on the couch and play a bit of Animal Crossing for an hour before feeling a bit more awake but by 6:30 I decided to have dinner and now at the time of writing this, it’s 8:15, I am starving. That starving where you feel a headache coming on and feel a bit sick in your gut. I don’t know what I’m going to do but it looks like I’m eating a carrot and seeing how that goes – good week to start before a period, right?