I think anyone who has any sort of disability – physical or invisible – has experienced ableism in some way.
Mine has been invisible in different aspects but usually the same conclusion, that I’m making it up or it’s not as bad as I’m making it out to be like I have control over it, that it’s in my head.
In respect to how it made me feel, well, it was crushing! Every bloody word felt like a stab in the chest. You’re not actually being listened to, no one wants to read up and really grasp that maybe you could be telling the truth. It’s like a betrayal of belief.
These days when it comes to my physical-but-still-invisible and autistic disability, it’s more about it being their problem; they don’t pay for my meds, they don’t have to do what I have to do. It’s a “accept it or move out of my way” scenario. Whatever you say won’t change my mind, it won’t help me mentally, emotionally or physically so I don’t have to listen.
There’s no reason I’m showing you this starfish butt, I just wanted to
Because I haven’t had an official diagnosis, I can only tell you what it felt like when I first read about the symptoms and the struggles autistic females had.
I can’t remember how or when exactly I found symptoms, I think it was around 2014-2015? I just remember reading a little bit by little bit and it was like things were slotting into place or that moment in a movie where it all connects and makes sense. I think it actually took my breath away for a second!
There were also moments within the first year of reading where I’d find something and be like “no one else does that” and other times the opposite, “someone else does that!”
Compared to how I feel now, a lot of it is peace and contentment; that I have answers and an overall relief within myself where I have started to have acceptance with who I am.
Oh hell yeah! I go through a mental script for every interaction- phone mostly- but if I know I’ll be interacting with others where I know I’ll need to initiate, there’s always a run-through of what I need to try to get out and what the responses could be. Does it come out perfectly? Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh absolutely not. Could I go into any conversation without any ‘prep’? Absolutely not.