Sorry to disappoint some of you but I’m not getting religious or philosophical, I’m talking about my stupid eyes again.
It has definitely been a week. Last week started with day after day of eye strain and a lot of wincing, which triggered a ton of headaches. It got to the point that I couldn’t get anything done, including writing, reading, watching anything, I wasn’t even able to make food. It got to the point I was crying in bed at night, fearing that it was going to be like this from now on, that maybe whatever is going on will get worse until I won’t be able to do anything I enjoy ever again. Maybe my whole life will change and I don’t know what I’d do then. It was a truly fun night!
However, the next day I did have a reprieve! While direct sunlight still made my eyes sore, I could open my blinds a bit and DO things, you know, like a person! This beautiful, sweet relief lasted approximately three days until it was my scheduled-but-never-comes-on-time period, where literally any form of light kicked off the domino effect of vampirism I’m now stuck in.
The blue light glasses I bought though are helping me at least type this post out, but there’s only so much a pair of glasses or even sunglasses can do, much like the paracetamol-ibuprofen combo I’ve been taking or even the codeine I take for goddamn endometriosis.
I did see an optometrist who was as stumped as everyone else is and has referred me to the ophthalmologist I’ve been wanting to see. ‘Wow, Lucy, how do you have the money for all this stuff and still manage to live on the Disability Pension?’, you might be thinking and to that I say, “I don’t have a life!”.
Anyway, I am impatiently excited for the appointment coming up next Thursday, where I will either feel hope again or be incredibly irritated… then trigger a migraine.
And while I still hold on to the belief that this has everything to do with my menstrual cycle and most likely some fun endometriosis-nerve bullshittery, I’m also very open to it possibly stemming from or in conjunction with something else.
One thing is for sure though: I’m officially at the eleventh month of what is the twelve-month waiting period for my laparoscopy and I still haven’t been able to see my specialist or heard from the hospital yet. I was hoping to at least see the specialist to get upgraded to a more urgent level as my symptoms are greatly impacting my quality of life but I now feel like I’m fighting alone in a dark room, with no scope, direction or idea what to do next, swinging my arms around at the air and hoping someone who can help notices. I had hoped something would be resolved at this point as I still want to go to do study mid-year before course fees go back to normal price, but I don’t know if I can look that far.
I’m pissy, I’m tired, my eyes have a high-frequency sound lodged in them, I’m sore, and I have nothing obtainable to hold onto and I’m scared. I’m scared of being an example of “too little, too late”; that something has permanently changed, that – pop! – I’ll wake up one day realise I can’t see. Sometimes I’m scared that all this head and eye pain will give me a stroke, something that actually happens to people who are on the pill and suffer from migraines. Would it be too much doom-thinking if I told you my family has a history of strokes? Well!….
So that’s how things are going here. I did want to post this in a more educational way for anyone who wants to read about strange little freaky symptoms but I think I just had to get the words out before this headache takes over anymore. I’m still trying to work on a most for The Mighty too (and have some great news to share on that) and hope I can get something out soon. I will absolutely detail my ophthalmologist visit and any news with this whole thing going on.
I will leave you now with a cute pic of vress shark!