Pre-Op, Post-Sad & Pre-Hope

Some of this was written before my appointment (italics) and I decided to leave it as is.

Well, it’s finally happening, today I’m off to my pre-operation appointment – not to get confused with getting the actual surgery, something I’m still waiting for for over a year!

Thinly-veiled passive aggression/sarcasm aside (I’m too tired to tell which one it is), I thought I’d tell you what happens at one of these appointments since I haven’t seen any of these kinds of posts around, since I’m not having surgery the same day.

A couple of weeks ago I got an urgent message to call the hospital that day to book a pre-operation appointment. I say “urgent” because I literally had to contact them that day or else I’d have to start this process again, and boy, did I call urgently. Yes, I did get a letter about this after the fact, but like every important letter, it came two weeks after. From barely twenty minutes away. Fun!

I’ve never had surgery, so when talking to the nurse/receptionist on the phone she told me this would be my actual surgery, something that was fun and confusing for two weeks until we figured out its still pre-op stage…

So the day is here, my mum is taking the afternoon off work and we’ll go down to the gynecology clinic/wing of the hospital, aka Vagina Avenue. I was told to keep at least two hours free for the tests, bring my Medicare card, any government-licensed healthcare card and a list of medications I’m currently taking.

Now, this is the part where I would ell you I had some fun tests and was on the way to my surgery, which would have happened within the next month.

That didn’t happen.

In fact, I was put back in category three, the least-urgent category, meaning I would have to wait twelve months again.

So, I waited a year to see someone so they could tell me I have to wait another year to get a surgery that, while not keeping me in chronic pain every day, has drastically changed my life within the past year and puts my future in the air.

I don’t think I really need to express to you have crushed I was by this. I remember a few minutes after the appointment was done that I forgot to tell her I can’t work out or use my core muscles because it triggers intense cramps, how I have recordings of my phone while I’m in the throws of my pain, curled up in bed and wondering when it was over. My mum tried to assure me that it wouldn’t have mattered. I thought and still think differently. Ho hum, alas.
The ride home was upsetting. Mum spent the time trying to make me feel better but I just wanted to feel sad. I wanted to just cry (then take painkillers because I would – and did – trigger a migraine) and wait for the feeling to pass so I could get back to my daily tasks.

I couldn’t believe it. No one ever told me that a “pre-operation appointment” isn’t actually PRE. OPERATION., it’s just an assessment, something that the literal autistic me you’re reading the words of would have really appreciated knowing! I had never heard of anything like that, didn’t read anything about this, so it was a really fun surprise. Again, oozing with sarcasm here.
Sidenote: just realised that I’m supposed to get my period in a couple of days which explains a lot of the emotions. More fun!

It’s now been almost two days since my appointment and, thankfully, some stuff has progressed. While the person I saw (I can’t remember if she was an actual surgeon or a gynecologist) was clueless about my weird nerve sensations around some really interesting intimate parts, she was concerned that I had a previous history of migraine with aura while taking birth control. While it’s something I, thankfully, don’t get these days, I do have a family history of strokes, so she gave me a new progesterone-only pill prescription to test and to take them right through my period time, as estrogen dips might be causing some symptoms. Simply put, taking it every day including when I’m supposed to have my period, effectively not giving me one. This is something I’m going to refrain from for now as I was lucky enough to book an appointment with my gynecologist.

Yes! Other news. I was able to book an appointment with the gynecologist next week to talk about the possibility of her doing my surgery, which unfortunately is private so…


But seriously, the only reason I didn’t go have it done by her privately in the first place is that I didn’t have the money and I have a really hard time asking other people for help, especially financially. And think about that: I am crippled by pain and sensations that make me not Work Good and yet I’d rather wait than ask or even let my family try to help. I’m just cute like that. Teehee and such.
And I could get into why I’m that stubborn or how I’ve watched my family work so hard to the point of their own pain and mental health but it’s not that kind of post. Sugar Daddy/Mummy, I have nothing to offer you except some funny ramblings sometimes, call me.
It does look like, however, it might be something I have to bite the bullet and do. To be honest, all this eye stuff has really made me more paranoid about how everything can and will change whether you want it to or not, and before anything gets worse I need to try to make my situation less… bad.

So that’s where I am: I was essentially dicked about for a year, told to wait another year, but might go down another path to get to the same location I was hoping I would be in. Okay, fine, whatever. Autistic me just loves that crap (sarcasm, I can’t emphasise enough, sarcasm), but really I am feeling better today, although I can feel my back starting that dull-ache thing so I have leave you now.
I must remember to talk about periods, pain/sensations, and possibly the COVID vaccine at some point as it’s something the Surgeon/Gyno and I did talk about but that needs its own post.

Anyway thank YOU for reading and hopefully, I will regale you with a victory battle warcry or something next week. Here’s Monterey Bar Aquarium’s live otter cam which is just so good.

One thought on “Pre-Op, Post-Sad & Pre-Hope

  1. Pingback: Seeing The Light 3: Basking in (Possible) Triumph! – Behold! A Mythical Creature

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